Vacation was NOT an epic failure. We actually had a really lovely time. I was treated to many birthday dinners  and many birthday margaritas. I might have worn the birthday sombrero more than once. This summer’s vacation was the Grandparent World Tour. The boys got to see all their grandparents, including GGMa, who is their only living great-grandparent. It was a good trip. The driving went well and the boys were welcomed and spoiled at every stop.

While on vacation, naturally I was knitting. On one of those sooper seekrit projects that I can’t show you. But I can show you this:

Do you know what that is? It is an entire skein of Malabrigo Twist yarn which has been through a hot water wash and a full dryer cycle. It kind of looks like wooly blue brains. But wait, it gets better.

I was nearly finished with said object and had two skeins of yarn left that I had brought along. I was hoping to not have to break into them, but they were insurance, you know? My dear, sweet, lovely husband was doing laundry for us at my dad’s house. I was rolling the clothes back up to be placed in suitcases. When I pulled out the monstrosity you see above.

I might have cried a little bit, I might have screamed. I will not admit to threatening my husband’s life. Not yet. I was comfortable in the knowledge that I had a second backup skein. So I finished rolling up my half of the laundry and went back to doing some slicing for dinner.

That’s when he found the second skein – in the same state. And then I very calmly told my sister to take the knife away from me through gritted teeth. There is no photographic evidence that I pointed the knife at him all “Psycho” like. No one recorded the threats on his life and appendages. So as far as I’m concerned it didn’t really happen. And luckily for him I was able to finish the object without the 2 backup skeins. Very, very lucky for him.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the minivan this past week. And that, combined with my advancing age, has led me to think too much.

1. America is too much the same. Every city has the same restaurants, the same stores. It’s kind of sad.

2. I have an amazing family. All of them. Even though some of the crazy connections are strange fodder for afternoon talk shows, they are made of awesome.

3. It’s hotter in Ohio than it is where I live in Florida right now. That is just wrong.

4. I miss hills and mountains. Jacksonville is too cussing flat.

5. My new favorite curseword is “cuss”. I blame Mr. Fox.

6. Marking time by how fast children grow is bittersweet.

7. I think there might be some niece or nephew to call me Aunt Coco forever.

8. I need more summer dresses if it’s gonna be this hot all over.

9. It’s really fun to wake up to umpteen birthday wishes on facebook.

10. It’s reassuring how somethings (and some people) never change.

11. It’s disheartening that the ones who really need to change never do.

12. I have the best sons in the world. You can’t have them.

13. Ditto for the husband.

14. The older I get, the more proficient I am at hiding my gray hair.

15. Today for my birthday I am getting a pedicure come cuss or high water. Fortunately musing #1 insures that there will be a nice little nail salon in every strip mall.

16. Short hair is way easier to take care of than long hair.

17. The hills in Cincinnati are more beautiful than I remember.

18. Skyline chili never changes.

19. Nor does LaRosa’s.

20. That’s two of those good not-changing things.

21. Yes, I am running out of profound thoughts. Why do you ask?

22. I love having a business that keeps running even while I am away.

23. Ditto when I’m asleep.

24. Vacation can make you a slacker when it comes to things like training for the 3-day.

25. But a nice hike in the ever lovely Rowe Woods can be a reasonable substitute, right?

26. My 20th high school reunion is this fall.

27. I wish I could go, but October is just too busy of a month.

28. You are never too old for Scooby Doo.

29. I can listen to Jim Dale read Harry Potter over and over again – even though I know how every story ends.

30. Wireless internet is a thing of beauty.

31. A knitting designer can never have too many stitch dictionaries/inspiration books.

32. To that end I bought two more last night.

33. Some of the pictures of me that hang in these homes I am visiting are very embarrassing.

34. No, I will not share them with you.

35. Trying to give up a 26 year addiction to diet pepsi during vacation is not the best plan.

36. Writing 38 things without my morning diet pepsi is also not very wise.

37. In order to see everyone I would like to see on vacation, this trip would have had to be a month long.

38. Being this close to forty is a bit humbling. But I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I can’t complain.

A couple of years ago, the Yarn Harlot blogged about the fleece stealing squirrel. My then eight year old son nearly peed his pants laughing at it. And then he drew the schematics for a better squirrel trap.

You really should click through and see the larger version of this. So you can see that the squirrel is in ninja “hiya” position on the right. And so you can read the detailed workings of an eight year old mind in his own hand-writing. But this is what he says:

Operator sitting in chair activates machine by unhooking connection #B1. Squirrel thinks: “What’s the point if this happens?”. After at least 5 whimpering, banging, screaming noises, release by pulling under connection #A2.

In other news today, Friday July 2nd is the last day for the half-year, half-price sale. So stock up while you can and look for more PicnicKnits patterns in the future.

He doesn’t read this much. I don’t think. But still I thought I would tell you all something. Life is not perfect. But life is good. Life is actually kind of awesome. And much of the credit for that belongs to the man.

He’s an amazing father – which is why I’m typing about this on Father’s Day. I’m constantly in awe of him. He makes it easier to be a good mother. He works hard to provide for us. He believes it is important for me to be home with the boys – and he just does what needs to be done so it happens. Not all men are like that, as we women well know.

He’s also the best uncle. He doesn’t have any brothers or sisters, but he has nieces and nephews. You know how that works. The family you choose and all that. And he’s the favorite uncle. Everyone loves him best.

He gets me. He’s knows I’m a full on mess and he doesn’t care. He loves me unconditionally and I don’t deserve him. At all. He thinks I’m beautiful and he always makes me laugh. He makes me crazy sometimes, but he’s mine. He my crazymaker.

I feel like the words are just meaningless though – you know? I’m thinking of cooking him a big ole breakfast, but it’s only 7:30 am and I think he’d really rather sleep in. Stupid insomnia. So I will wait, and when he wakes up we will go to the beach, or the movies, or wherever he wants to go today. ‘Cause he’s the man. And it’s his day.

There is a mystery that has been haunting me for as long as I can remember. Something I don’t understand, something that I have wondered about. Something I am reminded of every day when I see this picture hanging in my dining room:

When I was a child this picture hung in our house. As an adult my mom passed it on to me. It matches the dark wood on my dining room table. And honestly even though it’s incredibly dated, no where feels like home without this picture. It’s the first thing I hang. My husband likes to mock me for this.

But let’s talk about the mystery. I *think* this is an old Home Interiors print. I don’t even think they have Home Interiors anymore. It was a party thing – like Tupperware – except you bought home decoration items. We had quite a few of them in my house when I was growing up.

The picture has 12 panes. Twelve little mini pictures – all little slices of Americana done mostly in an Autumn theme. Lord how I miss Autumn. Florida doesn’t do Autumn. We get summer and winter here. And winter is short. But I digress. As usual. I know, get on with it.

Each of the 12 panes has a signature in neat print – B. Mitchell. Each pane except one. The bottom right pane – the one with the grass and the broken down wagon does not seem to have a signature. I remember as a child staring at that pane forever trying to find it. It didn’t make sense to me then and it doesn’t now. Did they forget? Did B. Mitchell not paint that one? Was it some anonymous person? Are they trying to drive me insane?

I’ve told this story to my boys and every once in a while they will stop and look at it and try to find the signature. I’ve passed on the madness!!! Have you seen this painting? Did it hang in your mama’s house? Is your 12th pane signed? Can you tell me where the signature is hidden? Or just tell me I will never find it so I can stop looking already.

I hope the boys never outgrow delight. That they always find fun in the little things. That they never need the bigger, better, faster, more sort of thing. Ok, that sounds really corny – considering that it is inspired by a trip to Universal. But the boys really do seem to like the silliest things best. Yes, they are impressed by the flashy and the crazy. But the most fun they had the whole trip was either the One Fish Two Fish ride in Seussland or the Accelatron in the Marvel area – which is basically a teacup ride in X-Men style.

One Fish Two Fish is a simple ride. You ride around in flying fishes. They go up and down. A silly Seussical song is played. And then the fishes squirt water at you. And the boys smiled and laughed and giggled like nobody’s business. They are getting older you know. They will be eleven and twelve at summer’s end. But it makes me so happy that they still can have fun with something like this. It’s not beneath them.

I hope it never is.

I’m having a fake it ’til you make it kind of day. I’m pretending I’m good at housework. I did a whole lotta scrubbing in the bathroom and I cleared out my drawer and the cabinets – I don’t dare touch the man’s drawer. It’s amazing to me that at this point I am not completely bald. Seriously, the amount of hair (of mine) that I find in that bathroom on a regular basis is just ridiculous. So I swept, I scrubbed, I used Comet, and Fabulouso, and my hands are in serious need of a whole lotta lotion. I gotta remember to wear my gloves when I do stuff like that. I need me some frilly gloves like they have on “How Clean Is Your House?” Those would be way more fun to wear.

So the laundry is running, and the bathroom is clean, and the kitchen is reasonably tidy. In a few minutes I’m going to take my boys some lunch. Basically because I overslept, and I suggested that maybe I could bring them lunch and they got unreasonably excited about it. So I have an appointment at the Wendy’s Drive Thru in a bit.

I sent out a submission last night. And I inquired about an online magazine this morning. I’ve got quite a few sketches going and a list of places to submit to. After my lunch date, I’ve got a stack of books that I want to look through. Must get to work!

So I’m complaining about the man socks when I really shouldn’t. The man has been insanely patient about the whole thing. Like years patient. Last night I had a moment of inspiration and I charted out a pattern. Which I think will be perfect. For boy socks. The man might have to wait longer.

But it’s nice yarn, no? I traded Kimber some very lovely pink Miss Babs for this yarn, which is quite manly and quite perfect for my man, who may never get a hand-knit pair of socks. The colorway is even manly – Brewhouse Ale. A quite nice merino/nylon blend from Cables and Lace.

Oh and by the by – the cowl did not get published today. Whoever said it’s always sunny in Jacksonville must have been smoking something. It was a very grey day.  But I’m hoping tomorrow will be better!